How to Overcome Perfectionism and Why Am I Like It?
- Cathy Waterhouse
- Nov 24, 2025
- 7 min read
For many professionals, perfectionism doesn’t look like obsessing over colour-coded spreadsheets or endlessly polishing emails. It’s far more subtle and far more draining.
It’s the unrelenting high standards you set for yourself (and often for others), the expectation that everything you touch should be excellent, seamless, flawless.
It’s the voice that says:
“If I don’t give 110%, I’m not doing enough.”
“If I make one mistake, people will think less of me.”
“If I don’t do it, it won’t be done properly.”
“I can rest when this is perfect… and it’s never perfect.”
Perfectionism is not the same as striving for quality or wanting to do well. It becomes a problem when the standards never stop rising, the goalposts keep shifting, and nothing you do feels good enough no matter how much effort you put in.
And for professionals in fast-paced or high-responsibility roles, this pressure can quietly bleed into every corner of life. What begins as a “strong work ethic” or a desire to succeed can turn into anxiety, burnout, resentment, procrastination, frustration with others, strain on relationships, and a constant sense that peace is just out of reach.
This blog explores how perfectionism really works, how it impacts professionals specifically, and how psychotherapy and coaching can help you overcome perfectionism and untangle the beliefs that keep you stuck so you can succeed without sacrificing your wellbeing.
What Perfectionism Really Looks Like
(It’s Not What Most People Think)
Perfectionism isn’t just about wanting to be good at your job.
It’s about feeling driven to meet standards that are often impossible to achieve, and then harshly criticising yourself when you fall short.
Perfectionism often looks like:
Overworking because you’re terrified of missing something
Rewriting or re-checking tasks repeatedly
Procrastinating, because starting something you “must” do perfectly feels overwhelming
Feeling uneasy or irritated when others don’t meet your expectations
Micromanaging because you don’t trust others to do it “properly”
Being unable to switch off because your brain keeps scanning for flaws
Minimising achievements (“I could have done more”)
Setting standards that rise as soon as you reach them
People rarely recognise perfectionism in themselves because they assume:
“I’m not perfect so I can’t be a perfectionist.”
But perfectionism is not about being perfect.
It’s about the pressure to be.
Where Perfectionism Comes From
Perfectionism often develops over many years, shaped by:
Early messages
Many clients recall being praised for being the “good child”, the “clever one”, or the “responsible one”. Excellence became their identity and with it, a fear of disappointing others. Some clients however feel that they were a disappointment to caregivers, instilling in them a desperate need to be perfect.
Workplace culture
High-achieving professionals often work in environments where perfectionism is not only normalised but rewarded. Performance reviews, KPIs, email culture, unspoken expectations and all of these reinforce the belief that your worth is tied to output.
Past trauma or criticism
Perfectionism can be a way of staying safe. “If I’m flawless, nobody can hurt me, reject me, or be disappointed in me.”
Fear of losing control
Perfectionists often feel that if they ease off even slightly, everything will fall apart; work, relationships, reputation. Hyper-responsibility becomes a shield.
Understanding the origins of perfectionism is important because it helps you see that it’s not a personality flaw.
It’s a coping strategy. And one you learned for very good reasons.
How Perfectionism Affects Professionals
Professionals often don’t notice the impact of perfectionism until they hit burnout, resentment, or emotional exhaustion. But the signs usually begin much earlier.
1. You struggle to switch off. Evenings and weekends don’t feel restful because your mind is still working.You’re thinking, planning, checking, reviewing… and even when you’re not doing it physically, mentally you’re still “on duty”.
2. “Good enough” doesn’t feel safe. You know intellectually that perfection isn’t possible.But emotionally, letting something go before it’s flawless feels risky, uncomfortable, or lazy.
3. You overwork and then resent it. You take on more than your share, often without being asked. You push and push… and then feel underappreciated, unseen, or taken advantage of.
4. You hold others to unrealistically high standards. Perfectionism doesn’t stay contained. You may catch yourself feeling frustrated when colleagues move too slowly, don’t read your mind, or don’t notice the details you do. This can create tension, especially if you frequently feel disappointed or end up redoing their work.
5. You procrastinate (yes, perfectionists do this too). Perfectionists aren’t always high-performing machines. Sometimes the fear of getting it wrong means you:
delay starting
get lost in planning
avoid decisions
wait for the “right time”
But the right time never arrives.
6. You hide your struggles. You want to appear competent even when you’re overwhelmed. So you keep going, numb yourself to exhaustion, or pretend you’re fine.
7. It spills into relationships. Perfectionism doesn’t switch off at home.It can lead to:
frustration when people don’t “do things properly”
difficulty delegating
needing routines or control to feel settled
difficulty relaxing unless everything is tidy or done
people feeling they “can’t do anything right” around you
None of this is about being difficult. It’s about living with a constant internal pressure that others can’t see.
Why Perfectionism Causes Burnout
Perfectionism is one of the strongest predictors of burnout, especially for high achievers. Why?
Because perfectionists operate in cycles of overdo → strain → collapse → recover → repeat.
When your standards are unrelenting, your nervous system never gets the chance to feel safe. And the emotional cost is heavy:
exhaustion
self-criticism
anxiety
irritability
loss of motivation
emotional numbness
feeling like you’re never doing enough
Perfectionism demands more energy than any human can sustainably give.
How Psychotherapy Helps You Overcome Perfectionism
Therapy provides a place to slow down, be honest, and finally explore the pressure you’ve been carrying. It’s not about lowering your standards or saying, “Just stop being a perfectionist. ”It’s about understanding the deeper drivers and replacing them with healthier, more sustainable patterns.
Here’s how it works.
1. Exploring the root of the perfectionism
Psychotherapy helps you uncover:
When you first learned you needed to be perfect
Whose approval you were trying to win
What you feared would happen if you made mistakes
How old beliefs are playing out in your adult life
These insights are freeing because they help you see that your standards didn’t come from nowhere; they were learned.
2. Working with the inner critic
Most perfectionists have a loud internal voice that is:
harsh
demanding
judgmental
relentless
Therapy helps you soften that voice, understand why it exists, and develop a more compassionate, grounded internal dialogue.
When the inner critic calms, everything else changes.
3. Building emotional regulation skills
Perfectionism often intensifies under stress. Therapy helps you learn techniques to settle your nervous system, such as:
grounding
compassionate imagery
breathwork
mindfulness
emotional awareness
When your body feels safe, you don’t need perfection to feel in control.
4. Creating new, realistic standards
Together, we explore questions like:
“What is actually good enough here?”
“What standard am I holding myself to, and why?”
“What matters most and what can be let go?”
“Is this my voice or someone else’s expectation?”
Therapy helps you differentiate between healthy striving and self-punishing demands.
5. Transforming your relationship with rest
Many professionals feel guilty resting.
Therapy helps you unlearn the belief that your worth is tied to output and teaches you how to rest without anxiety, shame or fear.
How Coaching Helps Professionals Build New Habits & Boundaries
Where therapy explores the emotional roots, coaching focuses on practical change.This combination can be life-changing for perfectionists.
Coaching helps you:
1. Identify where perfectionism shows up at work
We look at emails, meetings, deadlines, boundaries, delegation, communication and daily routines.
2. Challenge unhelpful patterns
For example:
taking on too many tasks
rewriting work repeatedly
saying yes automatically
micromanaging
over-preparing
3. Build practical boundaries
This might include:
time boundaries
communication boundaries
delegation strategies
workload prioritisation
“done is better than perfect” experiments
4. Set achievable goals
We create goals that stretch you but don’t drain you.
5. Create accountability
I help you stay consistent, check in on progress, and gently challenge perfectionistic thinking when it resurfaces.
The Power of a Combined Approach: Therapy + Coaching
For many high-achieving professionals, perfectionism is both emotional and behavioural. That’s why a blended approach is so effective.
Together, therapy and coaching help you:
understand the origins of your perfectionism
change the beliefs that keep you trapped
develop new habits that support wellbeing
build confidence around “good enough”
succeed without burning out
It’s not about lowering your ambition.
It’s about freeing you from the pressure that makes your ambition feel exhausting.
How Do You Know If Perfectionism Is Becoming a Problem?
You may recognise yourself in some of the following:
You feel tense or anxious when things aren’t exactly as you want
You regularly rework tasks even when they’re fine
You expect others to match your pace or your quality
You avoid starting things for fear of not doing them perfectly
You feel restless when you try to relax
You struggle to celebrate achievements
You feel exhausted but push yourself anyway
People say things like “You’re too hard on yourself”
You find it difficult to trust others to do things properly
If this feels familiar, you’re not alone and you’re not broken.
Perfectionism is simply a strategy that helped you survive, succeed, and stay in control.
But it may now be costing you more than it gives.
Overcoming Perfectionism
Perfectionism isn’t something you “fix” by trying harder. In fact, trying harder is part of the problem.
What you need is space.
Understanding.
Compassion.
Guidance.
And a different way of relating to yourself.
With the right support, perfectionism becomes something you can work with not something that runs your life.
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